You know, in the AtS episode Underneath Lindsey is in a kind of hell dimension, living an illusionary life of safety and happiness, while stepping down into the basement of his home to get his heart cut out on a regular basis by a hellish creature. Well, in my basement lurks Supernatural and does the same job just as fine .. and it stomps on my heart for extra good measure. Thank you Sera Gamble & Kim Manners! I think I am still quite incoherent about Heart, so forgive me if this comes out a bit shaky! *sigh*



This episode starts out on the humorous and easy going side. It’s so good to see both Sam and Dean back in full hunter mode, at ease with each other, in sync and competently focused on doing their job, in Roadkill as well as here. Dean’s glee about the possibility to face a werewolf for the first time ever since he was a child is simply adorable and I like that just like vampires, werewolves seem to be very rare creatures in the SN universe, considering their popularity in supernatural themed shows/movies it makes them more special in this show. I also liked that they kept the special effects on the werewolf transformation simple and instead of turning them into hairy monsters mostly retained their human features, to emphasize the main dilemma of the episode.

So many lovely brotherly moments in the first half of the episode: Sam’s "actually I do", rolling his eyes at his brother being the one hitting on every girl in a five miles radius or the boys playing rock, paper scissors to decide who gets to stay with the hot chick and Dean always choosing scissors and his little brother calling him on that AWWW *dies of cuteness attack* ♥ I just love this little snippets from their past, imagining them as kids, reminding me fondly of my own time with my sisters and revelling in how accurate SN is in depicting siblings relationships.

Sam’s awkwardness and nervousness when he is alone with Madison, nearly jumping out of the chair when she empties her underwear on the table, completely blushing and sheepish when she obviously kind of hits on him, falling into a boyish glee over her tv show, completely adorable and excellently acted by JP. I really have to mention here how much Jared stepped up his acting game in S2 and it is a joy to watch him lately.

I think Padalecki and Vaugier had a nice chemistry, though not as much as he had with Sarah in Provenance. I am probably alone on this but I didn’t find the sex scene that compelling, not that it wasn’t good, I just didn’t feel connected to it. Mainly I think this is an effect of the camera work here: The short close-up shots of limbs and mouths don’t allow us to see their expressions, it makes the act more about the sex than about the emotional connection between them, which probably was the point. But I preferred the Dean sex scenes in Rout666, with the wide angle shots that gave us the facial expressions of Dean and showed us his mix of tenderness and passion during the act. A matter of tastes I guess. :)

Though Dean clearly wasn’t the focus of this episode, I think his scenes nevertheless had an impact. Again this episode proved that the whole b/w scheme from Bloodlust just doesn’t apply to Dean as that episode wants to make us believe (I still think that part of BL is badly written). Dean’s first harsh reaction when he finds out about Madison being the werewolf is based on his knowledge as a hunter. To his knowledge, probably passed onto him by John, the werewolf is a conscious creature, living an ordinary life by day, being a predator at night and the victim pattern of Madison’s killing trail seems to deliver evidence for that theory.

When he clashes with Sam about that for the first time, it is like in Roadkill a decision of not allowing himself sentimentalities, like Sam does by connecting to her, because it makes his job harder or even endangers it in the end. When John’s theories are proven wrong though and Dean realizes that Sam’s theory about the animal being a separate part of the human mind and the werewolves being innocent victims in the end proves to be correct, Dean instantly changes his bearing. His honest attempt to comfort Glenn after he shot him, who is confused and frightened after he turns back, and his stricken expression speak volumes.

It doesn’t change what he thinks has to be done in the end, but he clearly shows empathy and pity for the supernatural creatures here, his earlier glee about a werewolf hunt gone and revising his own approach later in the car when he talks to Sam and offering Madison the truth, giving her the possibility to make a decision. Dean doesn’t always see things black and white, his attitude is way more complex, a mixture of genuine dislike, professionalism and his caring personality and that has always been the case, even back in S1. It’s Bloodlust that is the exception and not the other way round, in my opinion and in Bloodlust it might have just been an effect of his own self-loath based on his feeling that he should be dead. /end rant *g*

I know that I did read somewhere before that Sam had to kill Madison in the end but somehow my brain repressed that knowledge and was completely taken by surprise about how they turned the cards at the end of the episode. I loved how they again used the sunrise as a symbol of hope, Sam and Madison seemingly finding some kind of happiness, only to pull the rug out from under the viewers (and the characters) feet. The last 10 minutes of Heart turned it from ordinary MotW to powerful character episode. One can argue about the questions on why Madison didn’t turn earlier (was it really the lack of sleep like Dean suggested?) or if Madison's decision was too fast and not believable or if they should have tried other routes first before taking the radical step but actually I couldn’t care less about that.

Truly, I don’t think something hit me so deeply since John’s final words in In My Time Of Dying. Over the past weeks we saw Sam struggle to come to terms with his destiny, heavily relying on outside reassurance to get a grip on what’s awaiting him, pleading with his brother, pleading with god. Over the course of the show we also see Dean always taking the responsibility of what has to be done on his own shoulders, to maintain a part of innocence for his little brother, that he himself long lost and never wished back, while Sam always craved it and Dean was willing to do what it takes to preserve this for him. Getting his own hands dirty, so Sam doesn’t have to.

But in Heart Sam finally steps up to leave that innocence behind him and take responsibility for himself, refusing to let his brother take this burden for him. It’s a step from boyhood to manhood we see Sam take here and that is huge, in terms of character development as well as for the show in general. Madison pleads with him like he did with Dean, mirroring the scene from BUABS and although Sam most likely can’t remember that moment between him and Dean, it’s the same sentiment here, to prefer to die at the hand of someone you love and trust rather than living a life that’s not fully under your control and hurting those you love in the process. And it’s the loss of control that Sam fears the most as well.

It’s so important to see, that it is Madison herself who makes the decision here and not the boys. "I can keep feeling sorry for myself or I can take control of my life, and I chose the latter!" that’s her approach when she talks to Sam earlier. To live a life that isn’t fully under her control is unacceptable for Madison and so she decides to stop. I highly doubt that Sam and Dean would have simply gone through with killing her, if she had been pleading with them to find a way, but she rather decides that she can’t live with what she has done and more importantly with what she might do further if she hesitates to act on her knowledge. Sam was right, she is impressive.

Sam on the other hand is holding on to the hope, that it is possible to save her life, because hope is what he is living on ever since he learned about his own 'destiny', but her acceptance of what has to be done strips this away from him. His urgency to save her stems from his own issues as well as from his feelings for her, but he has to learn that she accepts death as a salvation here and it’s probably one of the hardest lessons Sam had to take, because it means that this is possibly the only way for him too.

To find an easy way out would have cheapened this episode, would have reduced it to a simple MotW episode, instead of making it arc and character relevant. Not everybody can be saved or at least not in the way the boys want to and I worship Supernatural for taking that route. This wasn’t about saving the damsel in distress, this was about the conscious decision to take responsibility for your own life, even if you are an innocent victim of events that lie outside of your control, it’s about getting this control back, about breaking out of the circle of despair and helplessness for Sam, if for better or worse has to be seen further along.

I also think Sam will realize for the first time the full scope of what kind of burden he placed upon his brother when he made him promise to kill him if necessary. Although he misses the point earlier when he accuses Dean to be willing to waste Madison but not him. While Madison was already turned, Sam isn’t. Despite what Sam might believe, there is still a chance to save him and Dean will go out of his way to make sure of that. They were simply too late for Madison.

When Dean gently takes the gun from Madison, his eyes fixed on his brother as he sees him falling apart in front of him, offering Sam to do this for him, I think that was the moment that finally broke me. I am at the same time immensely proud and heartbroken for Sam when he realises that he is the one who needs to go through with it, that Dean can’t protect him from this step forever and while he might have cried for Madison, I think he cried for himself as well.

And while Sam goes to leave his innocence behind, Dean’s heart is breaking for his brother. This is something he can’t protect him from, no matter how much he wants to. And he heard more gunshots in his life than a person probably should have, but this one makes him flinch. His little brother is facing an action here that he himself still might need to face and that hits right home. Kudos to JA and JP for nailing that scene, it could have turned out cheesy, but it worked perfectly for me.

And that’s it. My show just killed me. Over and out, someone please salt and burn my bones and let me rest in peace!